star wars movie

Movie Theater goers know what I’m talking about

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Raise your hand if you’ve done or can relate to any of the following:

Kicked the chair in front of you but pretended that you just moved your foot (like super hard) and hit their chair because they were being total jerks having a full on conversation and when they give you the stink eye you just sort of shrug and mouth “I’m sorry” – but you’re totally not because your mission is accomplished.  They are quiet!

In a totally full theater that is sold out, you irritate your husband (he wants you to mind your own business because you don’t work there) by getting up and asking 1 row of people to all slide down so that each of the 4 individual seats in the row being used as a coat rack can now seat your family of 4 together instead of all by yourselves?

Dropped an entire large soda because it was dark and you held it from the top and lost your grip so the entire cup portion (minus the straw and lid still in your hand) drop in a perfect way so as not to spill it on yourself but instead soak the person directly in front of you so bad that she leaves because she is soaked.

Laughed with your daughter so much you were crying because you thought the baby at the end of Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 2 was Asian but Peeta and Katniss obviously aren’t.

Secretly love when people are super annoying in the theater.  Not when they are right behind you, next to you or in front of you though.  Like the guy who is coughing up a lung 2 rows back and about 6 seats over.  Or the super loud paper and plastic baggie crackling people who you know must be SUPER annoying to the people near them if you are hearing it that clearly. When someone falls asleep and you hear them snoring with a bit of a snort every so often for good measure?

Had a guy next to you start breathing heavy during a sex scene and you felt kind of icky about it?

The sneezer.  Oh the sneezer.  I don’t even need to comment on this one.

Smile when you hear something like a bottle of water or the contents of a candy box roll down through the entire theater under the seats?

Brought Taco Del Mar burritos into the movies along with some beer all tucked away in your pockets, coat and bags so that you could try eating that huge mess – in the friggin’ dark?  And, dripped all over your white shirt and accidentally dropped your glass beer bottle and it rolled and kept changing directions as it hit each chair leg down along the way?  *This one wasn’t me.  It was Shawn on our 2nd date.  I don’t know why I kept seeing him after this one.

I can raise my hand to all of these scenarios and so many more.

We went to the movies tonight

Tonight Shawn and I took the kids to see Star Wars for the 2nd time because their plans fell through so we thought it would be fun.

We get into our seats and Shawn immediately says that he thinks his seat smells.  It was a sold out showing and we were super lucky to get the seats we got in a prime location and all the other areas were filling up quickly like people trying to get the best clothes at a BOGO sale.   We couldn’t move so we tried to make him smell popcorn butter instead.  It didn’t work.

Shawn looked at me at one point when families started to have to separate because they wouldn’t advocate for themselves or ask people to slide down 1.  He wanted to make sure that I would let them take care of things for themselves this time.  I obliged but it totally irritated me that people just have to sit one seat away from people when they know the line was out the door for this show.

Everything was fine during previews and then, the movie started, and so did the kicking on the back of my chair.  FML  I turned to give a dirty look but the chair was so high that only Alex got to see me do it.  #fail

Mr bronchitis was up to our right and he was really trying to get something very large out of his lungs the entire show.  I don’t know if he ever succeeded or not.  I’ll just wish him luck or wish that he maybe next time stay home and watch some On Demand for his sake and for that of the health of the rest of the movie goers and out of respect for the $16 for each ticket everyone paid for an RPX show.

It was hot most of the movie.  I’m use to it being cold so I had my parka and my thick scarf on the entire time which made me get too cozy and I fell asleep for like 5 minutes.  I never do that.  Then the air conditioning came on for about 10 minutes and my and Alex’s legs were chilled for a little bit.

The couple in front of Alex kept leaning forward, towards one another and back again.  The girl kept texting and she had the sound on her keypad so you could hear those little bubble sounds as she typed each letter.  Alex was totally distracted by this and then decided to point it out to me so I could share the moment with her.

Then the guy who kept kicking me decided to open and then continue to eat from the LOUDEST bag of whatever it was.  OMG.  Alex and I were smiling like ‘of course this is happening’.

Other people near us had some nice little, but loud, chats during the movie that were distracting as well.

I was kind of irritated the entire movie, except for the 5 minutes I fell asleep.  WHY?  We aren’t perfect.  Super far from it. But, we are purposely polite in public.  We don’t want to be the jerks who distract you the entire time during the movie.  We don’t always succeed – I’ve soaked someone before with a soda remember?  But we really try.

Thank goodness we already saw Star Wars on Christmas Eve or we would’ve missed a Lot! Even then, my dad make the loudest burp in the world during the movie, the guy one row back fell asleep and woke up repeatedly and was a loud snorer and my son was asking me questions the entire time because he finally seemed to care about Star Wars and the characters and their history.

Tips that could help your next experience:  Open your candy before the movie starts so as not to create as much noise during.  Perhaps practice finding all of your future leg and foot positions in the light before the movie starts so you don’t kick anyone, multiple times every time you shift.  Make sure you only hold your soda or slushee from the middle or with both hands if you must lift it up to drink it.  If you must text, turn the sound all the way off and tuck it in your pocket like you are doing something covert – so covert than no one can see the light of it or what you are doing.  If you have been a coughing or sneezing fiend during the day, don’t bring that shit to the theater okay?  For real.  I’m not even being a jerk about this one. Not because I’m worried about catching what you have, but if it’s distracting you, trust me, it’ distracting everyone else who can hear you and even who gets a little of your sneezes on them.  Yuck.  If you are going to fart, do so silently.  Make it so that no one knows it’s you.  I’d rather be super uncomfortable the entire movie letting it out in quiet and small doses then letting it rip and have the crowd go “OHHHHH” shockingly when they hear it and then again when the smell hits them.  I’d just rather not have anyone know it was me and I truly respect those who do the same. I’m sure there are a lot more helpful tips like don’t wear so much cologne the people around you can taste it.  This is a good start though.

Why do I go to the movies if it’s so distracting?

It’s entertaining.  Fun.  Annoying.  Emotional.  Thought Provoking.  Something to do.  Something to see.  Family time.  Date night.  And no matter what we always have a laugh at something that happened during the movie.

I hope you enjoy the next movie you go to and that you come out laughing instead of having movie rage.  Life is too short to let all of these things get to you, even if they all happen during 1 movie.

Oh, and we can’t get this song out of our heads tonight, the “Let’s all go to the Lobby…” jingle.  You’re Welcome!

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